Now, it’s my turn. When I chose that topic for the wonderful ladies and gents to blog on, it came just after a counselling session.
You see, earlier this year, I had two depressive episodes. As a result, I’m now on anti-depressants and been undergoing counselling to learn to deal with life again.
Dreams and fulfilment came up in the counselling process, and I realised that I’d made a dreadful mistake. 30 years ago, thanks to efforts from teacher and class parents, I held the first ever book with my name on it in my hands. As I stared down at that epic tome (I don’t have it anymore unfortunately) a sense of great rightness settled on me and I knew this was what I was meant to do with my life – be a published author.
For a variety of reasons, it took 29 years for it to happen but finally it did – last year, I held Secret Ones in my hand and saw my name emblazoned across the cover. My dream had been fulfilled.
Here’s where I made the dreadful mistake – I didn’t celebrate it properly or say goodbye to it. Sure, I had a book launch. I did a happy dance whenever I got a good review. But my mind was focussed on finalising Rogue Gadda for deadline and finishing the editing process on Power Unbound.
So that momentous achievement, a dream I’d held for the large majority of my life, wasn’t acknowledged. And with that dream stepping aside, I didn’t take time to grab hold of a new dream. It all became nebulous, ungrounded.
What had been a strong platform for me to work off became over time worn away, until by March this year there was just the smallest peak to stand on and with just one blow, I was knocked off.
I’ve spent the past few months re-establishing myself. I’ve forged new dreams, and I’ve educated myself on what is required to make those dreams come true – just as I did with the first dream. Now I’m working toward them and this time, if I achieve them, I will acknowledge and celebrate them.
Chasing dreams is important. Recognising the achievement is also important and so is saying goodbye.
So I wave to 11-year-old Nicole, standing in the middle of the classroom and staring down at her book with such awe. We did it, Kiddo.
Now it’s time to make 41-year-old Nicole’s dreams come true.
What are the dreams that you want to make come true for yourself, and/or the younger you?