Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Hey, Has Anyone Seen My Best Friend?


WINNER: Thanks for the awesome words of wisdom in helping me be my own best friend. The winner of a signed copy of Bedeviled is: Na. Send us your shipping info (and the name of the person you'd like to have it signed for) to sablegrace@ymail.com and we'll get that right out to you.

Recently I was watching an interview with Whitney and she was asked, “Who is your worst demon?” The answer wasn’t what I was expecting. She gave a soft smile and replied, “Whitney.” Then she laughed and continued with, “I’m my own best friend and my biggest worst enemy. No one makes me do anything. Right or wrong, good or bad, I choose.”

Yes, I’ve heard this a gazillion times before, but this time it really stuck with me and got me to thinking. I know I’m my own worst enemy. I call myself the self-saboteur and it affects every area of my life. Say, I’ve eaten right for weeks, then I see a box of snacks and I tell myself one cookie won’t hurt—even though I really don’t even want the stupid thing and I know I can’t eat just one cookie. Yes, I then start beating myself up for eating the one cookie which leads me on a downward spiral that takes weeks or months to pull myself out of.

My exercise routine isn’t immune either. I work out every morning because I’m lazy and if I don’t get it out of the way before I start doing other things the next thing I know it’s two a.m. and I’m crawling into bed when I remember I forgot to exercise. Thanks brain for telling me this as I’m trying to go to sleep because now I have all night to belittle myself for not doing an hour’s worth of activity that didn’t include sitting on my butt in front of the computer. And yes, the next morning I rush to the cookie instead of the treadmill.

Oh, and then there’s the writing. I live a hectic life. Surrounded by chaos and buried under stress. So what. Everyone has their own form of chaos and they still manage to get their daily chores done without making excuses for the lack of words showing up on the still empty page.

It is so easy to blame outside influences for the decisions we make. Just because someone or something puts it out there, it doesn’t mean we have to pick it up. That’s where the best friend part comes in—I do believe.

I’m a good friend to other people. Try to help out where I can. Listen and offer advice. Hold their hand or give them a shoulder to lean on. When they put themselves down for a failure, I’m right there to kick them in the rear and remind them of all the good they’ve done and one slipup doesn’t mean they’ve ruined everything they’ve worked so hard toward. But I rarely—like never—do this for myself. I slip off the eat-healthy train and I drown myself in Cheetos and those wonderful cookies. I stumble around the treadmill one day and it becomes a catchall for weeks. I don’t write for one day and well, I’m sure you can figure out how long it takes me to get back into that routine.

So how does one become one’s own best friend? How do you love yourself as much as you love everyone else? How do you forgive yourself for the slipups and get right back on that train without missing a beat?

Share your ideas and one lucky poster will win a signed copy of Bedeviled.

9 comments:

Vickie said...

Sometimes I remind myself who watches me, who am I supposed to be a role model for--my kids, my grandkids--that kind of helps me get back on track. Thinking of my family helps remind me that they love me, and I'm important enough to work at being healthy and forgiving to myself, when I mess up. I can't forget prayer. I'd be nowhere without that.

Dark Matter fanzine said...

Have a reward system. Seriously, we do it for our kids, we give them pocket money, treats, 'if you do your homework you can watch tv/go out/have a cookie/whatever'. Do it for ourselves. I bought an expensive body lotion that I only use if I've done a certain amount of exercise. Also plan to slip up because we all do. Dwell on the times when you've done good, started the good routine again, and try not to think about when you've screwed up. Self-flagellation just makes you unhappy and less likely to succeed, so focus on your successes instead - it is an upward spiral from there.

Na said...

For me, the first step is to be able to laugh at yourself. Nobody's perfect and that includes me and we all make mistakes. However, it's important to learn from those mistakes and whatever your dream keep reaching and trying. My ideal best friend makes me feel good, is honest and can make ma laugh. Might as well start by looking at myself :)

Cambonified{at}yahoo{dot}com

Barbara E. said...

I have to remind myself that I'm not perfect and give myself permission to have made a mistake and either live with it or correct it to the best of my ability. Sometimes it takes some doing, but I just try to relax and not be so hard on myself.

Barbed1951 at aol dot com

Sable Grace said...

Vickie,

Good advice! I need to remember I'm a role model and they love me even when I mess things up. Got to love those little non-judgmental hugs and kisses.

Sable Grace said...

A reward system! Why didn't I think of that. I give computer/tv/special snacks as rewards for the little people. I deserve to the same treat. Think I shall buy myself something nice for when I stay on track or get back on the train after it derailed.

Sable Grace said...

Na,

Good idea. I love to laugh and the people I try to surround myself with always make me laugh and feel good about myself. I'm going to try hanging on to those feelings of pleasure and joy when I'm alone and use them to shape my own best friend. Thanks for sharing!

Sable Grace said...

Barbara,

It's the relaxing and not being to hard on myself that I'm having a problem with. Perhaps a healthy talking to myself as a reminder to lighten up and accept I'm only human and not the supermom I play will get me over the rough spots.

Sable Grace said...

Thanks everyone for offering suggestions on helping me be my own best friend. You've given me great ideas to work with that I'm going to use daily, even on the good days, so I don't forget that best friends are around all the time!