Tuesday, February 3, 2015

S'more truth about sex, please!

Authentically means:  “true to one's own personality, spirit, or character.”

Year Of Living Authentically #1: The Truth about Sex

We are all grownups here and it is that time of year where hearts and flowers prevail, so I thought I’d talk about the one thing that truly peels off all the masks we wear. How’s that for starting off the YOLA!

The number three thing I get asked by non-writers is when you write about sex, are you basing it on your own experience?

First off, please don’t ask me about my private life. If I don’t talk to my mother about it, I’m not going to talk to a stranger about it.

Secondly, the truth is: I’m not the one in my books having sex, the characters are.  And contrary to popular belief, I am not my main character. However, superpowers would be cool.

I LOVE crafting the love story for my characters almost as much as I love crafting the demons they have to defeat. I look at their insecurities, their hang, ups, their flaws that have prevented them from becoming a hero already. Finding someone who loves them in spite of all this what really inspires me. And then I put them together, throw a bunch of obstacles in the way, and see what happens.

I write with the truth that love is seeing the inner, ooey-gooey marshmallow center of another person and embracing it in a graham cracker and chocolate hug. It is seeing what the other person hides from the world and accepting it. It’s knowing yourself enough to understand how you fit perfectly with another person. Add a little heat and, Voila! 

Speaking of heat, now back to the sex part.  When I’m writing this scene, it really is my main character informing the scene. How are they experiencing it? How would they sense it? What words would they use? I’m am just documenting it for other’s enjoyment. When the moment of fruition comes, I’m just as happy for them as they are, or scared for them, or exposed with them because they are their own little beings of thought and words and I want them to be happy, eventually. 

Wow. Some of that sounded really kind of dirty. But it’s the truth. I want everyone to experience this type of truth in their life. That is what romance writers are going for, informing that experience of finding love, of rekindling love. Finding all the paths, and shapes, and tastes of love to hopefully help you find one that it true to your spirit.

Authenticity test: Think about the thrill when your favorite on-screen/on-page couple FINALLY had their first kiss. Buffy and Spike? Booth and Bones? Why did it make you feel that way? Because you longed for the same kind of adventure? Because it helps you relieved some love you'd experienced before? 

Amanda Arista


Terri Garey said...

Love that poem, Amanda!

Helen Lowe said...

A great insight into a Romance writer's approach to writing sex scenes.

I can see I am going to enjoy the Year of Living Authentically as much as I loved the Year of Living Heroically.

Kim Falconer said...

I love this, Amanda!

Especially the authenticity test.

I think anticipation is part of why we enjoy those long awaited first kisses. It has to be hard won. (And Joss Whedon is well aware of that!)

Was it Oscar Wilde who said "The essence of romance is uncertainty?"

Oh boy, yes!

Great post!